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What one doesn't FORGET.

Memories…that are mine alone….unique because those who are in that memory have different thoughts about the same incident. Memories, a picture held safe in the photo album of life. Memories of tears, laughter, noisy times, eventful silences, small snippets of our lives all stored in our mind to be replayed later. Sometimes like deja vu, they come back at a later time to make you feel, I have lived this before. No one, I mean no one can take those away, can they??

I have always wondered why sad memories remain fresh in our minds and cling where as happy moments just fade away with time. We have a tendency to hang on to those thoughts that make us sad , keeping the hurt and pain fresh in our minds,  something that went wrong in our lives ,the disappointments we face or that which hurt us and  specially the hurtful actions or words of the ones we care for. They come up unbidden and unprovoked triggering a feeling of sadness in us.

Sometimes memories are all you are left with to hang on to when a loved one is gone. The happy times bringing in a whisper of joy in your dreary world, the memories of laughter, togetherness and happy times giving you a little something to hold on to as your own. Little moments of laughter, the feeling that overwhelms you when you first tell someone you care about them, the sparkle in your beloved’s eye when they catch a glimpse of you after a long time, the feeling of safety and warmth when you are hugged by people you love, the choked emotion you feel when your loved one does something special just for you, the tear that runs down your cheek as someone’s actions touch you, the feeling of pain when you give someone all of you and they rip your heart apart, all these memories, all just yours ….no one can take it or snatch it away.

A way of holding on to all that you love, all that you want to hold close and all that you dont want to lose ever… These are somethings no matter what one can never take away from you…. ever. Happy ones, sad ones, memorable ones, all remaining with you, like pictures, imprinted in the deep recesses of your brain. Can one really erase those away ever??? The mental scrapbook of all that happens in your life, that which gets a flood of thoughts rushing back into your head. …. Memories.

When you hold this close to your heart, you realise life actually is such a beautiful journey. When you cherish each special memory, each thought of those who came into your life and made a difference however small, you feel you have been blessed. So hold them close to your heart and keep them safe for they are your treasures to cherish because People come and people go, maybe they can even be replaced …. but memories  they linger on… they can never be taken from you… and  ultimately isn’t memories what makes us who we are?

Here are the memories I've created for the past 3 days! =D
~Went to Gurney n watched the 3D Rapunzel~
Pictures credit to Aina


~The convoy went to Ahlams house to makan-makan  and then we headed off to Tupah Recreation park~
Pictures credit to Aina & Aslam

~Mandi manda at Titi Kerawang~


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She and Him.

She and He were friends. She cares for him a lot and He considers her only as a friend. One day She told him that She loves him. He rejected. And that has made all the difference.

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Once Upon A Time

Since I’m going to sit for a storytelling exam this coming Sunday, I think I’m going to write something about it. Well, 1st of all, I never did understand and NEVER will understand why I have to sit for a STORYTELLING paper. I think it is purely ridiculous. Isn’t the name of the subject explains it all? It’s STORYTELLING and not STORYWRITING. Plus, what is the purpose when all I did is memorizing the definitions, types and etc...? So, I guess people should rephrase their question. Instead of asking “Have you started studying storytelling yet?” they should ask “Have you started memorizing storytelling yet?”.
Despite all that, I still love Storytelling. In fact, it is one of my favourite subjects throughout the whole of my course. That explains the written of this entry. I’ve some good memories of it. 


The old Tree(Faqis Adnin) and The Young Tree(Me)
The Casts of "The Adventure of A 
Mouse deer"
Well, I have always loved storytelling. During my school years, I always dreamt of entering the storytelling contest. But I’m the shy and stage fright type of kid. So, I guess my talent was never discovered. =P However, growing up, I have listened to stories told by my grandmother and my parents on how were their lives back then. I even heard stories during the era of Japanese colonization and also how my great grandmother and her 10 children came to Tanah Melayu and etc.
However, my favourite kind of stories would be fairy tales. What is there not to like about fairy tales?? It’s a make believe world and without you realizing it, you kinda wish it to happen to you where one day your Prince or your knight in shining armour will come to break the spell or even save you from your life misery. And finally you live happily ever after. So, tell me what’s not to like about fairy tales??=))
I read some place that if you want your kids to be creative, give them a taste of fairy tales. With that, they have something to look forward to, a 'happily ever after'. Do you remember your story book? Do you remember how you used to look at them for the umpteenth time and try to visualize the whole scene? You started dreaming, you made a world for yourself that was just perfect; free from any malice of any kind.
Now that we are here, all grown up, seeing life more practically that we ever have, do you still believe in some of those dreams? Do you think there's a world out there somewhere, where everything you imagined as a child exists?

Let's get on a roller coaster ride down the lane that takes you to the world which you left far behind. It's still there, you just have to close your eyes and believe *smiles*

I'm the damsel in distress, the sad girl who has been waiting a life time for you to come and sweep me right off my feet. And when you did come, you weren't a knight in shining armor. You stepped in, silently and surely, knowing what you were here for. Your certainty about a probable us had me going for you.


Like a princess locked up in a high tower, I wait for you to fight the odds and come rescue me. Scary dragons and wicked witches combined aren't enough to keep us apart; that's what I love about loving you. It's just so powerful!
I don't expect a prince when you finally find me. I know you today like I have known you for years and years, and when you're finally here with me, I'll know it in my heart. Even if you're a prince in disguise of an ugly frog...
Just like Jack and his beanstalk, let's find a place for us up in the clouds far, far away; where I can look at the stars with better clarity, where they will shine brighter for us and where it's just you and me. Walking up in the clouds with you... Ah I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about it!
I pricked my finger on a spindle and have been gifted with a fate of endless sleep. Will you come and save me from this eternal slumber? Awaken me in all my senses, show me what's like to be truly alive, stay by me and love me.

Kiss me and break the spell.
Will I make it to one of your three precious wishes if you had a genie lamp? Will you wish "us" into reality?

Time will test us, from wicked witches to fire breathing dragons; from being confined in the sea to being locked up in towers of a far off land; from poisonous apples to pricking spindles; from being bounded by the luxuries of the Sultan's castle to having to live in with a price in the shape of a beast... Come what may; we'll make it through.

You just have to believe and have faith in me.

I love you for all the things you do for me; how you fight the odds and risk your everything over something as fleeting as we have right now. You bring it all to life and you make everything worthwhile. I love this sense of purpose!
Fate, destiny, crystal balls, charms, stars, dreams, the lines in your palm... everything told you I existed somewhere. You heard my beating heart just like I have been hearing yours all this time.

Souls interwined... 

This beautiful story written by God's Hands is our destiny and now that you are here, it's finally complete.

I want us to be the fairy tale little children read. I want this story to be read and lived over and over again for countless years to come. People may not know from where it all began, but they should know how and where it all led to. I want this to be a wonderful book that ends with "and they lived happily ever after”. But then, I'd never want the book to end. Let our 'happily ever after' be a wonderful beginning of everything wonderful. I want little girls to know that happily ever after is never the ending; it's the beginning.

*smiles*
"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."
-Mimi Schmir


What does your little fairy tale tell you?
*smiles*


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One day YOU will...

Someday I'm sure that you will find the one that loves you the way you wanted to be loved.. You will find that person who'd be your shoulder whenever you want to cry, be the one actually holding your back and just not saying it.. Someday, I know you will find that one person whom you could count on to turn up in front of your doorstep the moment they know your eyes are moist, someone whom you know would hold your hand through thick and thin not just figuratively but physically.. Someday I really hope you will find that person who would be all that I want to be for you this very moment.
And yes, I am sorry that despite my pathetic assurances I can never live upto being a good friend to you, let alone anything being close.. I'm sorry you had to be a part of my pathetic life, where I'm just helpless half the time.. You deserve someone so much better, someone who's not as terrible as I am, someone whom you can truly call your best friend :)

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Pesan Mak Ayah.

Growing up, Im sure all of U have heard or received advice/s from someone and that you tell yourself that you will try your very best to follow that advice. I too have received advice/s as I am someone who always wants something to go MY way (not to mention im big headed and stubborn at times =)) my parents have always something to say. However, not all of their advices are sucked into my big head =D. Some 
I just ignored “Masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri”.Hehehe. But there is this one particular advice that I follow and hold it close to my heart up till today. It is an advice I received a few years back from my mother.

Mak pesan,
“Bila bercakap atau bergurau tu jaga-jaga. Jangan sampai kita kena mintak maaf dengan orang tu.”
Translation : Watch your mouth or you’ll be sorry. =D

Everyone has a different opinion or thoughts that make them unique and yes they are entitled to it but most of us do say things at one time or the other without thinking through properly and shoot off our mouths, especially when angry or if we get into an argument. Especially when it is someone you take for granted, you just pass your judgement and then expect things to go back to being normal not really thinking about the consequences of that one word spoken inappropriately.

Many different types of relationships are ruined by someone speaking their mind before evaluating and taking the time to listen rather than run their mouths. Whatever the relationship be it family, friendship or romantic all take the key words communication and understanding to get past any barriers holding the relationship back from moving forward. Words once spoken can never be taken back. Macam pepatah Melayu:
“Terlajak perahu boleh diundur. Terlajak kata, nahas jawabnya."
So, let’s see what words spoken unthinkingly can do.

Firstly, it cause unnecessary hurt….Sometimes words are said just said to create an impact, for one up man-ship during an argument. It can cause so much of hurt to the person one targets which could be irreparable. It may damage their psyche to a large extent and harm as the words are just said to attack another person or mainly to hurt them so that you can win.

Secondly, Regrets…. When you say things in anger without thinking through it can cause you so many regrets. You know you have caused hurt to someone you care about and that makes you regret what you did. You will have to live with the regret of hurting the person you love. That’s not too good a feeling is it?
Thirdly, it destroys relationships… Hmm this sure does happen. A fairly good relationship can just be destroyed in minutes by some unthinking unfeeling words one utters .Even though some relationships may carry on n people may forgive loved ones for rash words spoken, a lot of relationships do end because of harsh, hurtful words spoken. A lot of marriages end in divorce, lots of friendships because of situations as this.(Trust me, I’ve been there).

Fourth, it kills the soul. Well too harsh maybe but it does kill the soul. People who are targeted will keep these words in their hearts forever. It could destroy their self beliefs, their self esteem, the way they look at themselves, the way they look at life. What made them bright n sparkly once may start to fade because of a few harshly spoken words. Its a horrible feeling isn’t it??It kinda stuck in your mind forever even though you tried your very best to erase it.

And lastly, Appearances …Sometimes your words can change the way people think about you too.. You may be viewed as the nicest person known till your words completely change the way people think about you. When you speak rudely, harshly out of the top of your head you may come out looking the meanest and most selfish person known An image of you is formed at that very instant.

Speaking without thought is a real bad idea for it destroys and creates more trouble than it’s worth. So, if you don’t have anything good to say, then its best to remain silent because each word holds a wealth of meanings, it is attached to a lot of feelings and can either make or destroy both you and the person you speak it to.
So, before you speak think-is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence…… for “When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain”.

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Just For You...

My Best Friend,

Do you know how I feel? Do you that I’m suffering inside? The mirror reflects the ghost I am reminding me that I just have lost that joy in my life. I am but an empty shell now, hollow within, a vague shadow of the lively sparkling life that I once was. My empty eyes speak of the tears I have shed each night into my pillows, they now seem so dry and devoid of the sparkle that once adorned them. My listlessness reflected in every action of mine, I have it all but yet I am empty …barren like a desert with no life in it.

I know what malady ails me , I know all about positivity and the energizing boost it gives you, I do speak of it and try to keep myself in the grip of it but deep within me I am hollow , there is a vacuum as if I just have faded all colors of my life away. I am empty though my lips smile for others. A great pain in my heart refuses to go away. It clenches my heart so tight that I just feel like giving into my exhaustion ….

I miss you, need I tell you that? Don’t you see it in the empty shell I call my life now? I yearn to pick that phone and call you, maybe message or just maybe…mail you but no. I gave you my word that I would let you walk away from me without holding you back… let you go. But my hearts strings just give a tug from time to time … yearning for just your voice , a word from you , just maybe for a smile or just a smiley in my mailbox, even a vague message . Crumbs , thrown my way for to me they are a slice of joy in my life ….I promised myself I would never hold on to you when you decided and made it clear you did not want me in your life anymore…but my mind and heart downright refuses to let go ..

Do you ever think of me? Do you miss me even a lil bit? Do you think of all the tiny things we shared once, the moments we spent laughing at something? I just wonder sometimes… did I make a mistake in thinking that I was special to you as you were to me? Is it the foolish hope in me that asks me these questions? I do miss the one person I felt I could call my BEST FRIEND . Each day I battle that urge in me to try n contact you ..seek answers , seek explanations, clear air …but something holds me back…no not my pride but my promise to you.I 've promised you that if someday you decided to leave, I will not hold you back. But If someday you've decided to come back, I'll welcome you with arms wide open.

I just hope one day you see things clear enough to see sincerity for what it is. I hope somewhere in the corner of your heart there is a tiny place that misses a bit of me. Because I miss you. Always and forever.

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The value of RM 10.25....

 it's 220 Taka in Bangladesh.


And do you know how many mouths can you  feed by that amount of money in Bangladesh?

“8 orang makan pun aa tak habis”(Please read this by moving both your hands and head =D)

So I was told by a Bangladeshi waiter in Pizza Hut in Perangin. Upon hearing that, I lost my appetite. Seriously, how do you expect me to eat without feeling guilty? Knowing that how many mouths can be fed and how many stomachs can be filled has made me lost my appetite.

It was a Thursday after my appointment with my orthodontist that I decided to do a window shopping in Perangin. After going in and out of a few shops, I started to feel hungry. So, I decided to fulfil my craving for baked cheese rice and went in to Pizza Hut. I was greeted by a Bangladeshi waiter with a warm smile and,

Bangladeshi waiter: Satu orang makan?

Me : Yes.

Bangladeshi waiter : Oooo...Mana-mana duduk pun bole. Sini ka, situ ka.

I chose to sit at a table by a window. The Bangladeshi waiter came and handed me the menu. I staraight away ordered the baked cheese rice. The Bangladeshi waiter gave me a puzzled look and said :

Bangladeshi waiter : Tak mau makan Pizza ka?

Me : Tak mau. Mau ini ja.(while pointing at the baked cheese rice picture)

Bangladeshi waiter : Ini aa ade promosi pizza..murah-murah.

Me : Tak pe itu saja. Terima kasih.(Smiling)

With that, I pretended to look something in my bag and I guess he understood that that means end of conversation and walked away with my order and the menu. After he walked away, I took out a pamphlet that was handed to me when I was coming down from the escalator. Just when I looked up, I saw him coming towards me. When he reached at my table, he said:

Bangladeshi waiter : You kerja mana?

Me : Study.

Bangladeshi waiter: Kerja-kerja.Kerja mana?

(Seriously, do you need to repeat the word kerja? It was loud and clear and I do know what does kerja means)

Me : Study.

Bangladeshi waiter : Oooo...study lagi ka.

Me : *Smiles.

Bangladeshi waiter : Hari ni aa...you makan harga RM 10.25(writing in his note book).Ini macam punya harga aa..you tau brapa dekat Bangladesh??

Me : *Raising my eyebrows.

Bangladeshi waiter : 220.Ini macam punya banyak aa bole kasi 8 orang makan. 8 orang makan pun tak habis. You sini makan satu orang saja RM 10.25.

I said “Owh” and smiled. Seriously I don’t know how to reply.

Moral of the story: Do not go and dine in in a restaurant alone.=D

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Stranger

When I was a little girl, my Mum always told me not to talk to strangers.

Now that I’m a big girl, I still remember what my Mum said and hold it close to my heart.

So don’t bother to talk to me.

For you are now a nobody, but a stranger to me.

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Percubaan Pertama

I've started blogging.
Uh-huh. It's a weird feeling.
Awkward as well.
=D

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