Just For You...

My Best Friend,

Do you know how I feel? Do you that I’m suffering inside? The mirror reflects the ghost I am reminding me that I just have lost that joy in my life. I am but an empty shell now, hollow within, a vague shadow of the lively sparkling life that I once was. My empty eyes speak of the tears I have shed each night into my pillows, they now seem so dry and devoid of the sparkle that once adorned them. My listlessness reflected in every action of mine, I have it all but yet I am empty …barren like a desert with no life in it.

I know what malady ails me , I know all about positivity and the energizing boost it gives you, I do speak of it and try to keep myself in the grip of it but deep within me I am hollow , there is a vacuum as if I just have faded all colors of my life away. I am empty though my lips smile for others. A great pain in my heart refuses to go away. It clenches my heart so tight that I just feel like giving into my exhaustion ….

I miss you, need I tell you that? Don’t you see it in the empty shell I call my life now? I yearn to pick that phone and call you, maybe message or just maybe…mail you but no. I gave you my word that I would let you walk away from me without holding you back… let you go. But my hearts strings just give a tug from time to time … yearning for just your voice , a word from you , just maybe for a smile or just a smiley in my mailbox, even a vague message . Crumbs , thrown my way for to me they are a slice of joy in my life ….I promised myself I would never hold on to you when you decided and made it clear you did not want me in your life anymore…but my mind and heart downright refuses to let go ..

Do you ever think of me? Do you miss me even a lil bit? Do you think of all the tiny things we shared once, the moments we spent laughing at something? I just wonder sometimes… did I make a mistake in thinking that I was special to you as you were to me? Is it the foolish hope in me that asks me these questions? I do miss the one person I felt I could call my BEST FRIEND . Each day I battle that urge in me to try n contact you ..seek answers , seek explanations, clear air …but something holds me back…no not my pride but my promise to you.I 've promised you that if someday you decided to leave, I will not hold you back. But If someday you've decided to come back, I'll welcome you with arms wide open.

I just hope one day you see things clear enough to see sincerity for what it is. I hope somewhere in the corner of your heart there is a tiny place that misses a bit of me. Because I miss you. Always and forever.