Bittersweet Life

My Best Friend,

Do you know how I feel? Do you that I’m suffering inside? The mirror reflects the ghost I am reminding me that I just have lost that joy in my life. I am but an empty shell now, hollow within, a vague shadow of the lively sparkling life that I once was. My empty eyes speak of the tears I have shed each night into my pillows, they now seem so dry and devoid of the sparkle that once adorned them. My listlessness reflected in every action of mine, I have it all but yet I am empty …barren like a desert with no life in it.

I know what malady ails me , I know all about positivity and the energizing boost it gives you, I do speak of it and try to keep myself in the grip of it but deep within me I am hollow , there is a vacuum as if I just have faded all colors of my life away. I am empty though my lips smile for others. A great pain in my heart refuses to go away. It clenches my heart so tight that I just feel like giving into my exhaustion ….

I miss you, need I tell you that? Don’t you see it in the empty shell I call my life now? I yearn to pick that phone and call you, maybe message or just maybe…mail you but no. I gave you my word that I would let you walk away from me without holding you back… let you go. But my hearts strings just give a tug from time to time … yearning for just your voice , a word from you , just maybe for a smile or just a smiley in my mailbox, even a vague message . Crumbs , thrown my way for to me they are a slice of joy in my life ….I promised myself I would never hold on to you when you decided and made it clear you did not want me in your life anymore…but my mind and heart downright refuses to let go ..

Do you ever think of me? Do you miss me even a lil bit? Do you think of all the tiny things we shared once, the moments we spent laughing at something? I just wonder sometimes… did I make a mistake in thinking that I was special to you as you were to me? Is it the foolish hope in me that asks me these questions? I do miss the one person I felt I could call my BEST FRIEND . Each day I battle that urge in me to try n contact you ..seek answers , seek explanations, clear air …but something holds me back…no not my pride but my promise to you.I 've promised you that if someday you decided to leave, I will not hold you back. But If someday you've decided to come back, I'll welcome you with arms wide open.

I just hope one day you see things clear enough to see sincerity for what it is. I hope somewhere in the corner of your heart there is a tiny place that misses a bit of me. Because I miss you. Always and forever.

 it's 220 Taka in Bangladesh.


And do you know how many mouths can you  feed by that amount of money in Bangladesh?

“8 orang makan pun aa tak habis”(Please read this by moving both your hands and head =D)

So I was told by a Bangladeshi waiter in Pizza Hut in Perangin. Upon hearing that, I lost my appetite. Seriously, how do you expect me to eat without feeling guilty? Knowing that how many mouths can be fed and how many stomachs can be filled has made me lost my appetite.

It was a Thursday after my appointment with my orthodontist that I decided to do a window shopping in Perangin. After going in and out of a few shops, I started to feel hungry. So, I decided to fulfil my craving for baked cheese rice and went in to Pizza Hut. I was greeted by a Bangladeshi waiter with a warm smile and,

Bangladeshi waiter: Satu orang makan?

Me : Yes.

Bangladeshi waiter : Oooo...Mana-mana duduk pun bole. Sini ka, situ ka.

I chose to sit at a table by a window. The Bangladeshi waiter came and handed me the menu. I staraight away ordered the baked cheese rice. The Bangladeshi waiter gave me a puzzled look and said :

Bangladeshi waiter : Tak mau makan Pizza ka?

Me : Tak mau. Mau ini ja.(while pointing at the baked cheese rice picture)

Bangladeshi waiter : Ini aa ade promosi pizza..murah-murah.

Me : Tak pe itu saja. Terima kasih.(Smiling)

With that, I pretended to look something in my bag and I guess he understood that that means end of conversation and walked away with my order and the menu. After he walked away, I took out a pamphlet that was handed to me when I was coming down from the escalator. Just when I looked up, I saw him coming towards me. When he reached at my table, he said:

Bangladeshi waiter : You kerja mana?

Me : Study.

Bangladeshi waiter: Kerja-kerja.Kerja mana?

(Seriously, do you need to repeat the word kerja? It was loud and clear and I do know what does kerja means)

Me : Study.

Bangladeshi waiter : Oooo...study lagi ka.

Me : *Smiles.

Bangladeshi waiter : Hari ni aa...you makan harga RM 10.25(writing in his note book).Ini macam punya harga aa..you tau brapa dekat Bangladesh??

Me : *Raising my eyebrows.

Bangladeshi waiter : 220.Ini macam punya banyak aa bole kasi 8 orang makan. 8 orang makan pun tak habis. You sini makan satu orang saja RM 10.25.

I said “Owh” and smiled. Seriously I don’t know how to reply.

Moral of the story: Do not go and dine in in a restaurant alone.=D

I've started blogging.
Uh-huh. It's a weird feeling.
Awkward as well.
=D